Because the me I am right now.. It's just.. not.. "me".
It's.. Someone with my name, family, friends and other things but the personality is a lot more negative and sad than "I" was. The person I am now has less interest in playing games, which "I" was addicted to. The person I am now has trouble motivating herself to eat normally, and doesn't read much anymore. The "me" you all see doesn't get excited about going to the summer home anymore.
"I" was always pretty positive, and if "I" got sad, the next day "I" would usually be back to happy. "I" was on my DS every day, so much we had to set limits. "I" used to eat a lot more than I do now. "I" used to read 24/7. "I" used to beg to stay the whole week at the summer home, "I" would have almost lived there if I was given the option.
Then May happened. I probably would have been fine, in fact I was doing pretty well mid-June, if the end of June hadn't happened.
End of June, I changed.
My parents split up, there's always talk of moving, I have suicidal friends online- some of which upon losing would almost immediately shatter me-, people are leaving. And now I'm almost always sad. Sometimes I just want to cry, but have no reason to. I don't even want to eat much.
But you know what?
I'm going to change that.
Starting with my eating habits, I'm going to change the "me" you see back into the "me" I was before everything changed.
I'm going to start by forcing myself to eat when I don't want to- I would have skipped breakfast this morning if I hadn't deliberately gotten something.
I ate a lot more at lunch today than I have been eating for lunch these past few days.
And, I'm going to stop listening to songs like 'Stand in The Rain' that fit my life in my opinion and listen to ones from 2012- for example 'Hello/How are you?' by Hatsune Miku.
As for sleeping patterns, I'm going to try to change that too. I haven't been able to get to sleep well recently, and I'm going to find a way to stop that.
As for the procrastination, a simple empty tab might be the key for doing projects or other homework.
So.
Let's see how much of "me" I can get back, shall we?
I'm going to post this to dA too.
That way, it might even motivate me to keep going with it.
I started at roughly 11 PM last night.
Let's see how long it takes to achieve "me".
